How to Write a Banger College Essay Without Losing a Single cell of Sanity

 

How to Write College Essays Without Losing the Will to Live (Or Your Sanity)

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Let’s face it. College essays are basically a romantic comedy where you’re the emotionally drained protagonist and the Common App is the toxic ex who keeps asking you to “tell us about a time you grew.”

Cue nervous laughter.

So, how do you survive the battlefield of "Why This College?" essays, supplemental questions that feel like psychological traps, and that cursed 650-word personal statement? You call in the troops—aka me, your friendly neighbourhood nerd with a flair for the dramatic.

Step 1: Ditch the “Perfect Essay” Pressure

Spoiler alert: the perfect essay doesn’t exist. But the authentic one does. If you're weird, let it show. If you’re sad, say it with style. (For God's sake, don't trauma dump.) This isn't your English teacher's essay—it’s your emotional mixtape to the admissions gods. Be raw. Be specific. Be you.

Step 2: Don’t Be Afraid of Cringe

You will write at least one cringe draft. Maybe five. That’s okay. Cringe is a rite of passage. Like puberty, but with more metaphors. So carry on, write those "terrible" drafts. You will find the perfect one I promise.

Step 3: Answer the Question… Without Sounding Like Chatgpt on Steroids

Admissions officers don’t want a TED Talk on climate change unless you personally battled rising sea levels with a reusable straw. Keep it relevant. Keep it personal. Keep it human.

Step 4: Cut Ruthlessly. Kill Darlings.

Your favourite line? The one that sounds like Shakespeare and Sorkin had a baby? If it doesn’t serve the story, kill it. Essays are about meaning, not poetry. Like, I get it, okay? We all wasted that leftover brain cell on that gorgeous line. But honey, please... no...

Step 5: Find Your Theme Song

Every good essay has a beat. A rhythm. A theme. Whether it’s resilience, identity, or “I used to suck at math, but now I rule”, find your core idea and build your essay like a mixtape with one message. So simply find that one theme. Is your story about overcoming a challenge? learning something new? or just enjoying life? Try and think about it and then write

Bonus Tip: Laugh. Cry. Then Hit Submit.

You’re not alone in this chaos. We’ve all stared at the blinking cursor like it’s judging us. Just remember: essays are a snapshot of you—not a resume, novel, or press release. You’ve got a story. Own it. I always recommend starting on paper before directly beginning on a laptop (or phone, I dont know) as paper just seems to... Make you think more, I guess? like you feel more comfortable writing on paper than on a laptop.